Jesus, people! How many times do we have to go over this? Not only is Anna Chapman accused of spying on our country for the Russians (sketch) she’s also a fake redhead (you can tell by her roots and this NY Post article dedicated to her dye job). Can we as a ginger people have no positive role models? Not all of us are doing lines of cocaine in club bathrooms, shooting up steroids or giving sensitive information to freezing foreign nations! I find it hard to trust anyone that connects with a country so deeply covered in tundra; it’s just not normal.

Is it wrong that I find this both creepy and hilarious at the same time? Props to thechive.com, a fellow WordPress blog for this disturbingly accurate depiction of Lohan’s downfall. Maybe if this was plastered on billboards instead of those “Meth: Not Even Once” advertisements, people really would think twice about picking up the pipe.

Interesting...

Rihanna was probably the last person ever I expected to blog about, and frankly I’m disappointed in her. I really just don’t understand the point of this hair-tastrophe. You know how I feel about fake gingers, and this isn’t even trying to look natural (not like we would believe her if it was). I’m not even going to get started on the bowl cut. I knew Rihanna was strange, but this just goes too far. Frankly, she looks like a small gay boy impersonating an early 1980s Madonna. Rihanna: explain yourself!

You can see more disturbing photos and a less-than-acceptable explanation at the NY Daily News.

Hawt.

This hot mess sure is having a rough month. Here’s a quick rehab…er, I mean recap:

March 30: Lindsay’s equally crazy dad, Michael Lohan, held a press conference. This was his first of many public ultimatums for Lindsay to get the help she obviously needs. Watch the video on TMZ. (Sidenote: he had a heart attack a month earlier…WTF?)

April 2: Lindsay fell down (again) exiting a club and the whole thing was caught on tape. Her next move? Hitting up another club.

April 14: Lindsay bailed on a court deposition. What could she possibly be doing in court? Oh yeah, there’s that whole 2007 incident where she hijacked a SUV with three people and a bag of blow inside. Don’t forget the high speed chase from Santa Monica to Malibu (20 miles away). This, of course, resulted in one of her infamous DUIs. How did Lindsay spend her time instead of showing up to court? Shopping!

April 21: Lindsay is a no-show in court AGAIN. Obviously she had more important things to do, like hitting the clubs until 2:30 AM the night before.

April 22: Umm… can someone put a muzzle on Michael Lohan? Apparently he told the paparazzi that he will “stop at nothing” until Lindsay goes to rehab (for what, the fourth time?). If you thought he was kidding, he wasn’t. Michael showed up at Lindsay’s house (with COPS!) to do a “welfare check” on his less-famous, less-attractive daughter Ali. Creepy!

April 24: Lindsay’s acting career is finished. She was dumped from her latest movie. No surprise there. But seriously, can someone please throw this poor ginger a bone?

April 26: Michael Lohan is now seeking a conservatorship over Lindsay. Remember when Britney Spears went batshit? Yeah.

May 3: Lindsnasty’s acting career is back on. Her role? Coked out porn star. Art imitating life? We’ll see how long this lasts.

May 3: Lohan’s equally messy-looking mother escorts her to L.A. to make sure she actually shows up for court. Third time’s the charm?

I think it’s about time the whole family goes to rehab. Or at least somewhere far, far away. And don’t you think it’s about time Lindsay took a shower? Her once-ginger locks are lookin’ a bit nappy and greasy lately.

For my first post, I bring you a highlarious little gem, courtesy of YouTube and a bunch of bored soldiers stationed in Afghanistan. What happens when you combine a dancing ginger, elaborate costumes, and a Lady Gaga song? You’re about to find out. (Sidenote: do NOT miss the end!)

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

Hella gingers down. M.I.A.’s Born Free music video is heavy on the social commentary–and by heavy I’m referring to the mid-air limbs post ginger explosion. Talk about graphic.

According to Perez, the video was banned from YouTube, which is understandable considering all the blood and guts. Perez asked his readers what they thought of the ban, and it seemed like a lot of people took M.I.A.’s statement the wrong way. I thought it was fairly obvious that the video was speaking to the way people everywhere judge, discriminate and hate other people based on physical appearances. Gingers were a unique way to illustrate this, but I think it was effective.

I don’t know if it was intentional, but the video also seemed to give homage to South Park’s recent 200th episode, which featured a massive group of ginger terrorists. In Born Free, there is a poster of three militant gingers with guns saying “Our day will come.” My favorite comment on Perez is from shortfuse: “shooting the gingers and blowing them up was kinda wrong. but you all know if it was in cartoon it would of been kinda funny.” Sadly, this is more or less true.

On a lighter note, this is probably the only visual I’ve ever seen with that many gingers all at once. My favorite was definitely the guy with the gigantic beard (because crazy ginger facial hair is always amusing).

Sexy Ginger

Esquire’s most recent issue named Christina Hendricks of Mad Men (who is a ginger, if you couldn’t tell) as THE sexiest woman alive. Hot!

In the cover story, you can read Hendricks’ letter to men and see pictures of her eating watermellon (it doesn’t get much sexier than that).

Hendricks isn’t only on the cover of Esquire, she’s also living proof to everyone that not all gingers are awkwardly pale and freckly. Maybe we won’t die off because of natural selection after all!

Check out Hendricks’ provocative photos and her Q&A in the magazine from August 2009.

The now brunette (who looks like she possibly hasn’t showered in weeks) was spotted in Beverly Hills shopping with her little sister instead of showing up for a deposition for a 2007 incident that involved cocaine, driving drunk and hostages. Geez.

She was also seen too wasted to stand on her own two feet outside of Club 210 in L.A. See the hilarious moments captured on camera here.

Girl, you need to get yourself togetha.

Wow, their dye jobs look so natural (not).

Did Maria Kanellis get electrocuted after her horribly misguided trip to the salon? This former WWE Diva is adding contestant on Celebrity Apprentice to her obviously extensive resume (right underneath the “hot mess” entry). I hope she doesn’t expect people to think she’s actually a redhead. Or is she just trying to be the next Sharon Osbourne (who is also on this season of the show)? According to her profile on NBC’s website, she also wants to be a fashion designer (of course). Homegirl should take a look at how that worked out for Lohan before she gets ahead of herself.

Regardless of her intentions, she has clearly made a hair crime punishable by years of silent judging and unrestrained mocking.

In addition to this creature desperately in need of a fire extinguisher, Bret Michaels and Cyndi Lauper are also on this season of Celebrity Apprentice (and are no less entertaining). Last week, Lauper visited Obama in the White House and Michaels cried on national television (for good reason, his daughter might have diabetes).